Well, I replaced our last chipped mug.
This little gem came in the charity before we went on vacation. I made a mental note to check and see if it was still there when we returned. Of course, I forgot.
A few weeks later, I was browsing for mugs, and there it was: nestled between various cups with more optimistic messages and demands for caffeine before business.
This mug was meant to be mine.
Now, I've often made the joke that I would have no friends if people could hear the contents of my head. Keeping my mouth shut with a smile saves me on a daily basis. Thank God, I'm an introvert. A conversation with my bestie yesterday reminded me that I'm not alone in my silent criticism. And, my ability to hold in snarky comments isn't 100% effective. Neither is hers.
We're all judgy little things, aren't we? As kids, we learn to say kind things, but no one teaches us to dwell on kind thoughts. What child would do that anyway? I never wanted to think kind thoughts about my sister after she embarrassed me in front of my classmates. Even now, I struggle to avoid gossip and passing swift judgments on people. It still happens.
From our thoughts, so go our hearts.
It's an intriguing discussion point, and many people may argue the statement's validity. The problem is, pushing back all but verifies the truth of it. No one likes being called out or feeling less than adequate. So, we fib to ourselves. Daily.
We all have habits, obsessions, and unhealthy behaviors we know we should drop. We keep them because we are masters of self-deception disguised as excuses.
My habit isn't hurting anyone.
I can stop anytime.
Once the right person/job/situation comes along, I'll give it up/start exercising/quit social media.
It's not illegal, so it isn't that bad.
Just one more won't kill me.
If it doesn't work out, I'll just break it off.
I can't imagine any of us left childhood without learning this concept the hard way. Follow your heart, the saying goes. Well, my heart still desires incredibly selfish and destructive things while trying to convince me I can avoid the consequences this time. If my brain didn't kick in and yell logic at me, I could compromise my own future. I could whip out plenty of applicable stories between munching Flintstones vitamins until my stomach hurt to dating someone I knew was wrong for me.
But the vitamins taste so good, a few more won't hurt.
But he really makes me laugh, even if he does have a bad temper.
Shouldn't I have learned to recognize my own deception and put my brain before desires?
Hah, no.
Temporary pleasures are attractive. American culture programs us to chase them, even when the cost is higher than we can afford. What we don't learn is how to set our own limits—which may be different for each person depending on the subject matter. I dated a guy who refused to drink at all because his father was an alcoholic. I didn't have to set the "never" boundary for myself, but I respected that he recognized how easy it was to compromise his own future with something he didn't need.
None of us need the new luxury car, next drink, huge dessert, designer clothes, fame, more attractive/younger partner, or 10,000 followers.
These things aren't necessarily bad, but they could be detrimental for certain people.
This is where writers can either capture an audience or bore them to unfollow. Characters with real flaws and warring interests, internal or external, get our attention. Why? Because everyone can relate to chasing pleasure and ending up with a mess. It's unavoidable. The funny part is, readers can often see a character's crash coming a mile away. Have you ever caught yourself yelling, mentally or literally, at the pages, movie, or television show?
No, don't go in there!
Leave him/her before you get trapped again!
Wow, you're doing it again after what happened last time?
Just give it up and go back home to your mama!
As such, our closest friends can call us out for our own duplicity, even when we cover our self-deception with excuses.
Make me root for a character, hope they break up with him/her, kick their nasty habit, stop compromising their own future, and I'll be along for the ride. If a character is flat, give them contradicting goals. These sorts of things are my favorite:
The bad parent who wants to raise their kids to be model citizens.
The extreme introvert who dreams of being on stage.
The perfectionist who can't succeed until they learn to accept the flaws in themselves or others.
The pessimist who wants the job that requires daily exuberant small talk.
As for my mug, it's my reminder to stay humble and give people a break. Not everyone is trying to get published. I'm toning down my own lie, that I'm somehow smarter because I avoid certain language. Just because I don't enjoy talking slang, cussing, and spitting back "meme speak" in basic conversation doesn't mean I should hold others to my standard. Yes, there are certain words I don't want creeping into my vocabulary, but it's not worth telling my husband to stop sounding like his late-twenties work buddies. They're having fun at their jobs, which is a positive thing. He's also not a writer, and that's okay.
Here are my character choices:
I continue to sip my tea out of my humbling mug and avoid counting how often the word "like" is used by others.
Or, I get frustrated and say, "No, I don't know" after the fifth time someone says "you know" in a short conversation.
Only one of those options lets me keep my friends, hah!
Keep on smilin'.
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