If I could overcome self-doubt once and for all, I would be free to push my pen around without worrying about the end result. Unfortunately, I have highs and lows—creative storms to traverse before I can find the glimmer of potential at the end.
And not every conquered creative storm comes with a satisfying rainbow.
But, I have an ally at my back. I have overcome this same struggle on countless occasions. If I have done it before, I can do it again. This is the way out.
Now, when I'm in a fit of self-loathing, wanting to delete everything I've written or tear my latest sketch out of my sketchbook, my first instinct is to flee. It should be looking for potential in my work, but it isn't. Enter positive thinking. Don't roll your eyes just yet.
The last thing most of us want to do when we are struggling is look at the bright side. Why is it that the remedy for our negative thoughts and feelings is the hardest thing to accomplish? I don't want to see the potential in my poorly drawn figure or my sloppy first draft. It's temporarily satisfying to show myself how worthless it is and chuck it in the trash, then indulge in something that makes me feel better and takes less mental effort.
For some people, it's exercise. For others, it's comfort food or vegging into a show.
But, what I really want is for my idea, my concept, to work. That can't happen unless I take a step back and look for that potential. Retracing my steps to what compelled me to create that specific thing in the first place helps. To do that, I need to do the cliche thing: think positively.
So often, culture points us toward what we don't have and insists we need to upgrade. There is no celebration for being content with the flaws or inadequacies in our lives. Out with the old, in with the new. If not, get left behind. Applying this thought pattern to creation has detrimental effects.
This thing isn't perfect. It's useless. Throw it away.
When put that way, the flaw in the logic comes to light. Any kind of creativity is subjective. Even if I'm 100% satisfied with my writing or artistic design, someone else will hate every bit of it. Who exactly am I trying to please?
What I really want is to be satisfied with my own work and share it with others who may enjoy it, too. There's no way for me to know who will connect with the products of my imagination before I even start creating. That fact alone helps me breathe.
But self-doubt can still be paralyzing. Just because I've overcome it before doesn't mean I will always reach for that positivity. Hovering in that realm that nothing will be perfect is a good start. We all need to give ourselves a break.
Breathe. Create. Repeat.
Keep on smilin'!
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