Molding Potential from Doubt

One of my greatest struggles as an author and illustrator is finding potential in my own work.

So much simpler is discovering every reason to discard a draft or a sketch as soon as some part of it flounders. Off I drift to my next idea. In doing so, I'm undermining my own ability to simply dwell in the realm of creativity until an idea finds form.

Perfection is my worst enemy.

Even though I know this, it doesn't make persistence any easier. But what if I stopped to remind myself of this simple fact: only I prevent myself from toying with an idea until it works.

Any idea, no matter how ludicrous it may seem at inception, has potential. It's the creator's job to deconstruct, rearrange, and stretch all the components until they sing together in harmony—whether in art or written form. The amount of time and attention needed to get there differs for each piece.

I know this. Anyone who creates knows this, and yet the drive to terminate is an ever-present enemy. Looking back on my own growth and accomplishments is one of the few remedies I have found for this negative mindset. This means cracking open a decades-old sketch or notebook and peeking into the musings of a younger me.

Cringe...twitch...

Yes, we have also all been there. Why did I draw that? This writing is horrific. Who would ever be interested in that?

Ah, but beyond the icky dust and inexperience is potential.

I could revamp that idea...draw that scene/character better now...this sorry creature could work if...

That's it—the remedy for any sort of doubt born of perfectionism. Even the silliest ideas can spawn entire novels. This has absolutely happened to me. This is what happened with my currently unpublished Paranormal Romance/Urban Fantasy series, Serene Sundown.

Serene Sundown, an entire three-book series, took shape around pocket monsters and two people living in different states.

The above sketch was from years back when the protagonist, Mariah, was still a character I used for drawing practice in an online art group—Pokemon-centric of all things. I've always adored the creature catching/training games and still draw the characters here and there.

In that art group, Mariah found her humble beginnings.

A fellow art-grouper, now good friend, reached out with a vastly different version of her character, Westly, asking if I wanted to do some chat role-playing. After a hesitant "yes," this evolved into often daily written exchanges and wild scenarios as we developed our characters.

After months of writing enjoyable but absurd situations, creating support characters, and realizing a legitimate villain and tangible plot had emerged, a casual comment surfaced: this is pretty good stuff, we could write a book.

Me? Write a book about this? Of course not. I haven't written much since a high school friend and I read our fantasy stories to each other over rolls of cookie dough. But then, I wondered...

Could I? Is it possible? What's stopping me? So what if it has its roots in a Japanese video game? And this is where I pummeled perfectionism and doubt into submission until the idea worked. The entire process took years. Was it worth it? Even though it's not published? Absolutely. My friend and I created our own modern-day world of dark creatures and put a personal spin on vampires, creatures, and magic. Using the characters we already knew inside and out made driving the story that much easier. I reworked our old exchanges, cutting out bits that didn't drive the plot, all the while absorbing as much as I could through articles and books about story development and editing. Book 1, Serene Sundown, emerged. Westly and Mariah developed into this:

With our fun, creative whims, my friend and I had written patchy pieces of what would eventually become two full novels. I wrapped up the series in a final third book with the potential for sequels. For now, the project is awaiting direction, but it will eventually be published in some form. I'm dying to revisit the world and characters with my evolving writing skills, but other ideas assail me.

Westly and Mariah still wait for their turn:

Where would perfectionism have gotten me back at that first stage of what if? Certainly not the feeling of accomplishment from writing a trilogy. And the high from that accomplishment gave me the push I needed to rework a novel I began about ten years back.

That rush of creativity propelled me into participating in and writing 52k words for NaNoWriMo 2020. For NaNo 2021, I wrote another new RomCom at 51k. On and on it goes. I have written short stories, jotted down ideas for future books, and connected with fellow authors to critique each other's work. None of this would have been possible if I allowed doubt to hold me back. Never sell yourself or your ideas short. When it comes to creativity, take your own negative thoughts captive.

This idea doesn't work. ---> Keep revising until it does. I'm not good enough to get it there. ---> Learn how to. What if it turns out bad? ---> Rework it. So many others do it better than I could. ---> They are your teachers, not your enemies. I don't have the time. ---> If it's important to you, make time. The ability to create gives us the power to grow along with our creations. Never be afraid to keep after a concept until it works. After all, there is no such thing as perfect. Why fear an imaginary foe?

Keep on smilin'!