Somber moods can strike anyone at any moment. These moods arise when our circumstances weigh on on us and make us feel unworthy or unlovable. I call it the devil whispering hurtful lies in our ears, but everyone has their own name for self-defeating thoughts. It's unanimous that thinking the following things isn't healthy:
- I'm not strong/smart/pretty/capable enough to do this (whatever "this" is)
- I've failed (insert number) times, so I'm a lost cause
- Because I haven't found love/true friendship yet, I never will
We all do this. Like my new dopey unicorn socks imply, sometimes being an adult makes me want to check out. My go-to negative comment (that I often laugh off) is this:
Nothing kills a conversation with my friends faster than talking about my interests.
It's not funny, and it's not always true. But, this has been my experience a little too often in recent years.
I'm the support friend: the one who tries to go above and beyond to help others with their struggles. Chats of my trials often get brushed aside. Sometimes I'm to blame. I don't often feel comfortable sharing my issues with others, or I have been shrugged off so many times, for much more pressing/dire issues, I stopped trying with certain people. I also hate complaining when I've been blessed above and beyond in so many areas. It makes me feel ungrateful. God is good, no matter what I'm going through. I believe that wholeheartedly, but I still wonder what it means when I'm in the midst of dark times.
But I still long for those close connections I used to have back in college. The late nights eating pizza, dressed in PJs, and whispering on top of single beds. Those friendships I believed would withstand the test of time, marriages, babies, moves across the state or country.
Bottom line is, not everyone is meant to come with me on my life journey.
As an author, I've come to realize I need a few good critique partners who understand my specific life struggles. If writing and publishing are going to be a large part of my life, I can't expect non-authors to indulge in my woes of querying agents and getting hung up on plot holes. Those topics are so far removed from typical work issues, it would be like someone explaining the problems with combining two specific chemicals in certain medications. I would glaze over faster than a stack of pancakes in front of a five-year-old at Waffle House.
Luckily, after trying out many critique partners, some of whom did more harm than good, I've found a couple of truly helpful friends. Now, I have a new goal: I want to find someone local.
During NaNoWriMo last year, I wrote a book about a woman who finds a niche group of women to fill the gaps in her dwindling friendship circle. Her journey was full of twists and disappointments, but I can't shake the feeling that I could try to do the same thing.
It's out of my comfort zone, but I plan to eventually post on a local app to see if I can get a group of serious writers together. For my fellow aspiring authors out there, I can't stress the importance of having good critique partners. Start looking now; it may take you a while to find just one.
Having even just one good critique partner helped my writing grow like a tree fertilized with rich compost. That outside eye is humbling and gratifying, personal and authentic. I learn almost as much from reading their stories as I do from reading their comments on mine. And it helps me stop questioning myself, my progress, and my stories.
So this is my journey while I await my next round of querying: create a local writing group. Stay tuned for results!
Keep on smilin'!
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