Opinion: Mushrooms are delicious and full of health benefits, so foraging for my own is both wise and cost effective.
Facts: While many types of mushrooms are healthy, an overwhelming number are toxic—some even deadly. Edible mushrooms often have toxic mimics.
Initial Conclusion: It may not be worth my health and safety to risk eating wild picked mushrooms. I should toss these back outside where I found them.
Curiosity: If I look a little closer and do some research, could I identify these mushrooms as healthy, edible mushrooms?
Updated Conclusion: I survived eating the oyster mushrooms, and they were delicious!
Getting curious about a topic, person, or opinion is an excellent way to learn and grow in both boldness and relationships. Without curiosity, we can become stagnant. Worse, our egos can convince us we already know what's best for us and everyone else. Admitting that I've been that person in the past feels icky.
To avoid falling back into that mindset, I'm letting curiosity drive more conversations. Active listening is a tough skill to master. Good thing laugher is the ultimate tension-dissolver.
I tend to seek out humorous Disney memes as a nostalgia trip, then share the funniest ones with other Disney-loving friends. Recently, I sent a Disney meme to someone and received an interesting response. Though nothing about the Disney meme could have been related to politics in any way, my friend's disgust over a certain candidate trickled into their response.
Confused? I certainly was. I'm not one to engage in political discussions besides encouraging people to love and respect others despite their opinions. But there I was, drawn into some strong verbiage about a candidate neither of us would ever meet or know the unfiltered facts about.
Yikes.
Despite my efforts to lean on humor and agree that all dishonest political candidates should fear the spite of a magical Disney villain, this person kept villainizing an actual person—without knowing if I supported said person or not. The exchange ended oddly, but I tried to "clear the air" with sending one more funny Disney meme.
Silence.
Did an upcoming presidential election just randomly taint one of my relationships? Possibly. Sure, I could be upset at this person for turning what was supposed to be a funny topic into a political tool for judging my beliefs and expressing theirs, but my heart broke instead. I hurt for this person who carried so much hatred and spite that it spilled into an innocuous conversation and scalded both of us. What other relationships must have suffered if others did not agree with them?
This is why I strongly dislike election years. Emotion-coated opinions leak out into conversations, splashing hateful words like toxic waste on those nearby. Division follows. Most of us have witnessed or even been on the receiving end of family and friendship-ending conversations.
This is also why I pray for my country and all its people, beseeching help from a higher power that the truth speaks louder than the lies. That kindness and understanding prevail. That people care more about those around them than pushing their beliefs or opinions. The fate of our country and its people matter to all of us, and no two people share exactly the same vision for solving serious issues. Then what can any of us do to oppose this rampant, fear and pride-driven hate?
Lean into curiosity.
When we get triggered, we can choose to pause. When someone berates a candidate, idea, or opinion we hold, it's an opportunity to exercise self-control. Instead of jumping into the emotional boxing ring, we can reflect. Instead of fighting the person in front of us, we can fight our own pride first. Yes, it's difficult and unnatural, but this tactic has the power to turn what would be toxic conversations into growth opportunities. How?
Ask a question instead of pushing back. Get curious about why someone feels the way they do. Learn why they support a certain idea, person, or belief system.
Above all, listen. Truly listen—don't just stay quiet and wait for your opportunity. Building up our rebuttal while someone is talking means we aren't hearing or respecting them. Listening with no intent to change someone's opinion takes practice, but it's possible.
Maybe, just maybe, we could ask why someone supports the candidate we do not. Before we push back against their views, could we listen carefully and continue being curious? Resisting the urge to change someone's mind or make our own views known feels like losing. It feels weak. It may even leave us open to attack if the person we're speaking to knows we disagree.
But the new goal isn't to change someone's mind; it's letting curiosity drive a discussion in place of our pride and opinions. What would the world look like if more people did this? Parents? Managers? Corporation owners? World leaders?
Curiosity forces us to set aside black and white views.
Curiosity helps us see a person or people group without labeling them.
Curiosity has the power to bring people closer, allowing us to respectfully disagree instead of writing people off.
It helps us think or say, "Oh, that's why. If I was in your position, I may feel the same."
Unfortunately, curiosity may also expose who belongs on our life journey with us and those who do not. Some people do not respect healthy boundaries and seek to demonize those who disagree with them. In that case, gaining understanding through curiosity may tear us down.
Still, we can choose not to be the one who writes people off. We can love people anyway, pray for them, and respect them even when we can't agree. I choose to give my "political discussion friend" grace. They're struggling with more than I know, and perhaps I'll get the chance to see them in person and get curious. For now, I'll pray that the strangling grip of fear and hatred will gradually leave them. I'll also pray for myself, that I don't allow this exchange to plant a seed of bitterness or rejection in my heart. This is how Jesus would want me to respond, to love the way he did. I won't always get it right, but I believe it's the only way to tear down the walls of hatred.
And what kind of author would I be if I couldn't relate this theme back to writing?
Curiosity is also an amazing tool to help fill story plot holes and grow characters. Borrowing my "political discussion friend" example, that real-life exchange can become a launching point for a fictional character. Using the model from the post's beginning, I'll dig into the following prompt to create tension.
Prompt: Two characters get into a heated discussion, disagreeing on a topic that's incredibly important to both of them.
Quick Scene: Neerah has wanted another dog since she lost her furry childhood best friend years ago. After living dogless in a cramped college dorm, she's finally moving into a house with her partner, Jessie, who also loves dogs. The situation and timing are perfect. Jessie and Neerah go out for burgers to celebrate closing on their new home. During dinner, Neerah asks Jessie to go with her to the local shelter and look at some dogs. Jessie blanks, halting mid-chew. This reaction blindsides Neerah, and she quickly justifies her desires. Jessie listens respectfully but pushes back, saying they should wait a year or two. This raises questions and fears in Neerah's mind. Does that mean Jessie lied about liking dogs? Even worse—does that mean Jessie isn't sure they'll stay together?
Opinion: Neerah and Jessie love dogs, so the logical choice is getting a dog to help settle them into their new life.
Facts: Dogs can be wonderful companions and add joy to people's lives. Dogs can also be messy and expensive, creating financial strain and stress.
Initial Conclusions: Neerah believes a dog's love is worth all the money and possible issues, and Jessie should too if he loves her. The fact that Jessie is unsure about getting a dog makes Neerah insecure about their entire relationship. If he doesn't want a dog, does he still want her?
Let's stop the example there. It's easy enough to imagine what would happen with the conversation as soon as Neerah starts acting out of her insecurity. She'd jump to her own conclusions about why Jessie doesn't want a dog right away. Instead of asking why, she'll keep pushing until Jessie feels bullied and gives in, or Jessie becomes angry and reacts poorly. Either way, the conversation will take an unhealthy turns.
So what if Neerah stops herself as soon as those fears nag at her? What if she pauses and gets curious about Jessie's true reason?
Curiosity: Neerah takes a deep breath and asks Jessie why he believes getting a dog right away isn't a good idea.
Jessie's posture suggests he's uncomfortable sharing, but he tells Neerah how his parents got a dog to try and help their struggling marriage. They thought bonding over caring for a furry friend and taking evening walks after work would help them connect. It helped until the dog developed health issues, and vet visits added to their piling bills. Then they had Jessie. The extra stress strained their relationship even further, and they divorced when Jessie was three. Jessie admits he has an irrational fear of repeating his parent's pattern and asks Neerah to help him break it down.
Updated Conclusion: Jessie's vulnerability draws Neerah closer. They agree to ease into life together before getting a dog, and Neerah appreciates Jessie's honesty and willingness to trust her with his fear.
Now there's an emotional trigger—one that Neerah's insecurities couldn't have predicted.
If a plot or character feels stagnant, curiosity could be the fix. Ask yourself all kinds of questions.
Does a character need a new goal?
A new obstacle?
Maybe falling back into an old pattern is the only way for a character to finally move forward?
Am I making it too easy on my character?
Do they need a change of heart in this scene?
What would happen to the plot if my character chooses getting curious instead of getting angry with another character?
What if a supporting character gets curious for the first time with the protagonist?
All forms of "what if" questions can help drive a plot. Keep getting curious about the world you create and the characters in it until that deliciously surprising twist emerges. For bonus points, create a twist in reality: ask someone you disagree with to explain their "whys." If you listen, the conclusion could surprise you.
Keep on smilin'!
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