Several of our larger mugs had chipped over the years, so I decided to slowly replace them with fun, mismatched mugs. I picked this one up at the charity thrift store. The saying is both fun and applicable advice, a line in the same vein as "Don't worry, be happy" and "Take a chill pill."
I need these reminders to breathe when it comes to accepting and processing feedback on my writing. My first inclination is to push back, but giving in to pride won't help me grow.
For those authors who have endeavored to find both a helpful and respectful critique partner, I just want to offer my encouragement. Yes, it's normal for your partner to ignore most of your advice. Yes, the majority of other authors will push you to write your book so it appeals to them instead of helping you tell your story. And yes, many of them will either conclude that your idea isn't worth crap if you don't write it their way, or just ghost you.
Taking constructive criticism is harder for some than others. Depending on my mood, I bounce between wanting to give up or letting my pride tempt me to ignore sound advice.
Why is this normal? How can I more consistently break this cycle of feeling down or arrogant? If I truly want to grow as a writer—or in any other skill—I have to accept that I am still learning. There is always more to learn, skills to refine. Often, considering an outside perspective is one of the greatest ways to learn humility and head towards growth.
King Solomon, the wisest and wealthiest man to ever live, still had advisers. Why would such a wise and powerful person need them? Because he recognized that emotions can turn each of us into idiots. For a moment, a day, a week, or a full season of life, we can follow emotions into messes that could scar us for life. Think snap decisions, words spoken in anger, getting pressured into making a deal that sounds pleasing at the time. Buy today, pay tomorrow! You deserve an upgrade! It's only one drink, what harm could it do?
When emotions run high, our intellect drops. We need to stop and breathe. Or, in my case, Save The Drama For Your Llama.
I've seen and heard enough to know none of us are or will ever be immune to temptation. My greatest regrets could have been avoided if I were less careless. If I used wisdom and looked ahead to the consequences, or consulted someone around me who saw my trouble coming before I did, mistakes could have been avoided. The people around us often see where our decisions are taking us, even when we explain them away with pride, loneliness, or anger.
Okay, philosophy lesson over. The point is, I don't want to be unwise. I refuse to reach a point where I think everything in my life is perfect and I don't need advice. Like many authors, when I set out to write my first book, I thought I could do it alone. Though much of the process requires hours of solo revision and reflection, an outside eye can spot plot holes and character inconsistencies. When I'm attached to a scene, I can be blind to them.
That said, just like good friendships, a decent critique partner is difficult to find. Not everyone will offer helpful feedback. In some cases, the feedback can do more harm than good. Judging who is helpful and who has the potential to tear down confidence is another topic that could take several more posts.
I've had many critique partners. Some lasted longer than others. I kept in contact with one for too long, hoping the often callous feedback would prepare me for future negative reviews. If I ever get published, my books will get negative reviews. No one can escape this. But I thought having that one brutal partner who picked at every concept would keep me humble. I was wrong; I wanted to give up.
This will happen with some critique partners. I can tell you from personal experience, the journey is worth enduring if you come out with a few solid partners turned friends. Those who stick around and give both respectful criticism and encouragement are like treasures to my craft. They help me grow and make sure I don't slip back into old, bad habits. They are, in many ways, my wise council.
I'll keep searching for beneficial connections in both writing and friendship. Though I prefer to apply quality over quantity to my "friend list," I won't allow pride to keep me from seeking wisdom in even harsh criticism. Over time, I hope to take all feedback with a smile and pass it on.
Keep on smilin'!
Comments