After pouring my heart and soul into crafting a piece of art, short story, or novel, sometimes shyness or reluctance takes over. I want to hide in my shell like this baby snapping turtle and not risk harsh feedback. I love what I've created, and that's enough.
Sometimes, I do keep pieces to myself. But if I want to use my talents to reach other people, bring smiles to their faces, or give them a glimpse into the worlds inside my head, I have to set my work free. I truly believe God gave me my creative gifts to serve him by serving others. I've made countless handmade cards for people going through struggles and written original pieces for friends. When I share my talents, the recipient's joy is a welcome reward.
Unfortunately, joy and praise are not the only outcomes from sharing my work.
As an author and artist, I've been on the receiving end of callous feedback that left me feeling empty. Uncreative. A failure. Back at art college, I remember classmates leaving the classrooms in tears due to feedback on their work. While I managed to keep my tears behind closed doors, I knew that pain. Harsh peer reviews and teacher comments weigh heavily on those with fragile self-esteem. Many creatives already feel invisible in a world praising accomplishments in "normal" fields like sports and corporate settings. I can still hear a few scathing teacher's comments in my head.
And that was back when many major art and writing websites were just building steam.
Now, countless content-sharing websites exist. Anyone with internet access can deliver creativity-destroying comments on posted work from behind their screen. No consequences, no reason to filter. "Think before you speak" and "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything" have lost their applications in a realm where people hide behind usernames and avatars. Many search for ways to put others down in an attempt to lift themselves higher.
I've been guilty of leaving harsh comments as well, but I've learned. I don't want to discourage someone from following their passion. When it comes to commenting on a critique partner's work, I ask myself, "How would I receive a comment like this? Can I word it differently so it sounds more like an opinion/suggestion instead of 'this is wrong/bad'?"
For this post, I'll stick specifically to written works.
With every novel critique, I have a choice: I can point out everything I consider a flaw, or I can respectfully encourage the author to continue working in certain areas. What would I prefer? Respectful encouragement, every time. What does that look like?
Say, someone's protagonist has lost their way in life. They thought they had a plan, but that plan fell apart. Now, the protagonist is wandering, trying to find a new path. As a reader, I'm looking for this to happen before the plot and pacing drags. I may not be able to handle three chapters of an aimless protagonist just drinking with their friends if I can't sense that the repetitive scenes are important to the plot.
Instead of: "There's no real plot here. I can't connect with this protagonist, and no one else will be able to either." (Feedback like this discourages and tells the author there's nothing worth saving)
Try: "I can tell you have big plans for your character's struggles, but I'm having trouble connecting with them when I'm not sure what their next goal is. Is there a way to cut or condense some of the wandering time to up the pacing? I suggest highlighting relevant details in the wandering chapters that may create a stepping stone to their next goal. The sooner they get there, the more I'll be onboard with them." (Feedback like this tells an author there's still work to do but plenty of potential to get there)
Receiving feedback on a piece I've spent countless hours editing already is tricky. I can hope someone will see the potential and connect with my characters, but the truth is, it doesn't always happen. If I feel myself cringing when I read over a critique, chances are that person (though they may mean well) isn't a good person to continue to connect with.
Here's a more personal example.
In one of my novels, two infatuated characters are in the gym working out. Their routine turns a little steamy on the sparring mat, and my critique partner was thoroughly disgusted. Something like: Ewww, but wouldn't they be all sweaty? I would not be making out with someone after a workout like that, so this whole scene just grossed me out.
Now, in that person's defense, I'm the same way. If my husband just got done working out, I'd ask him to shower before we got too close. But back when I was dating, when relationships were new and hormone-driven? When we jumped on any and every reason to touch each other? Sweat didn't matter. Time and place didn't matter.
Infatuation drove me to do some crazy things I would never do as a respectable married lady (haha...right) now. That's the point.
So what did I do with that "Ewww, sweat" comment? Nothing. I took it like the highly subjective feedback it was and left the scene alone. Personal hygiene aside, the scene was realistic and true not just to my own personal experiences but to real life. I was already ignoring over half the comments that partner made.
But I took something else away from that discouraging comment. I don't want to inject my own taste or preferences into someone else's story. If I read about two characters happily sucking crawfish heads with rotting fish-scented juice dripping down their chins, I'll keep my gagging to myself. As long as the scene and their interaction makes sense in the story's context, it's good.
For another example, if I read about two characters getting busy on their first meeting—something I wouldn't write because I'm more of a slow-burn type of person—I'm not about to tell the author that it's wrong just because I'm not into it. Most of us also know how easily lust takes hold. Spontaneous sex can and has been an effective plot device in many bestsellers. If I tell an author, "It's too early for your characters to hook up, so I just can't get into it," and they've written their entire story around a resulting pregnancy, what good is that advice?
They'll either treat it like the "Ewww, sweat" comment, or they could lose faith in their entire novel. Ouch. My feedback could drive someone to give up? Yes. I know, because I've been tempted to shelve a story after reading hurtful feedback.
How can I tell if feedback is too subjective? It's tricky on both the receiving and the giving end. It's monotonous to weed through twenty "this is wrong" comments that I may not agree with to get to one or two helpful pieces of advice. If that's how I feel about someone, and the trend continues, it may be time to break that relationship. If I don't find enough constructive criticism that leaves me feeling mostly encouraged, I back out of the critique partnership, sometimes after one chapter swap.
I can't do anything about the feedback people leave me, but I can decide to take it or leave it. Still, the negative comments weigh more.
When I write a critique, I have to keep in mind all the work this author has put into their story. They want to believe it has potential. My job is to help them grow what's already there—not rewrite their story in my style, author voice, or suggest changing scenes/plot points so they suit my personal taste. I'm helping them bring their story to life, not creating a hybrid.
Finding decent critique partners and beta readers is grueling but rewarding work. We all need a mixture of encouragement and gentle correction when something isn't working. Sometimes plots and characters get stuck. An outside eye can be just the right ingredient to unstick them. If I find a handful of people who show me they believe in me and my story, I'm more inclined to trust their feedback.
Writing is hard enough on its own. With a friend or two willing to slog through those murky early drafts? Writing is not only doable, it's even more rewarding once you finally write "The End" on a polished draft.
Keep on smilin'!
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